The Diet Joke

To be honest, I never played with dolls. Not even beautiful, busty Barbie. In recent years, we’ve all heard how ridiculous her doll-sized proportions are, and how those proportions would translate to an actual woman: 39″ bust, 18″ waist, 33″ inch hips.

If you have difficulty imagining what a real-sized Barbie might look like, have difficulty no more. Then high-school student Galia Slayen built one for her school’s first National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (NEDAW). You can read the HuffPost College article about how Gail built the full-sized doll here, plus some “Get Real, Barbie” statistics.

Galia Slayen and her full-sized Barbie doll

That sad thing is, except for small head, which isn’t in the right proportion anyway, I think most guys would date real-sized Barbie. I mean, except for the goofy head, she looks a lot like Pamela Anderson, but with longer legs.

Or Brigitte Nielsen.

Or even Julie Strain, except for the brown hair. (Who’s looking at her hair?) Not to toot my own horn, but I did a movie with Julie Strain. The movie’s called Magus and I’m the one with the short legs who keeps my clothes on.

I don’t just have short legs. I’m also barely a B cup, and can I tell you how hard it is to get a guy’s attention. I have to actually knock something over or they won’t even notice I’m there. For years, men have thought of me as clumsy, which isn’t the least bit true, but at least now when I walk in a room, they keep an eye on me. If they don’t, I’m likely to take out their coffee.

“Whoops, sorry,” I say, which they may or may not hear if there happens to be a life-sized Barbie in the room.