Archive for January, 2012

Another Diet Joke Health Tip

Sunday, January 15th, 2012

Okay, we admit it. We’ve fallen behind. This is probably how most New Year’s Resolutions go. Two weeks of gung ho and then nothing. But we’re back on track today. Perfect inspiration for our next tip.

Our next Diet Joke Health Tip:

Get back on track.

Or, as we saw on Facebook:

In other words, every day is a new opportunity to start fresh. If you’ve already abandoned your New Year’s Resolution to be healthier, eat better and get some exercise, guess what? You still have 50 weeks left to accomplish it. Get back on track.

The Diet Joke Health Tip #10

Tuesday, January 10th, 2012

The Diet Joke Health Tip #10:

Weigh yourself.

No, we’re not in a bad mood and taking it out on you. Well, we’re sort of in a bad mood, but that’s because we just weighed ourselves. Scales suck because they’re so darn truthful. Stretch jeans lie all you want. Of course they still fit. They’re made out of spandex.

We want you to weigh yourself for the same reason we weighed ourselves: to assess the damage. Yes, most of us tend to eat a little more over the holidays, and yes, most of us tend to gain a pound or two. The problem is most of us never bother to take it off. Next thing you know, it’s the holidays again and we add a few more pounds. This goes on for years. It’s why everyone looks so chubby at the high school reunion.

So weigh yourself now. That way you know where you’re at. If you didn’t add an ounce during the holidays, good for you. If, like the rest of us, you added plenty of ounces, make note of the extra weight and make the proper adjustment, as in watch your caloric intake and make sure you’re getting some exercise. Before you know it, you’ll be right back on track.

The Diet Joke Health Tip #9

Monday, January 9th, 2012

By now, all the boxes of holiday candy should be close to empty. If you’re like us, you didn’t survive the season unscathed. The damage isn’t horrible, but it’s time to get back on track. What can help? Our latest tip can, that’s what! Here you go.

The Diet Joke Health Tip #9:

Have some soup.

We at The Diet Joke love a bowl of delicious soup. It’s so satisfying on a cold winter night. Plus, because you don’t drink it with a straw, it goes down a lot slower than a chocolate milkshake. And soup is filling so we tend to eat a little less (that’s the theory).

Here’s a delicious soup we invented that’s low in calories, inexpensive and easy to make:

Cauliflower Soup

2 tablespoons butter
2 teaspoons minced garlic (We keep a jar of minced garlic in the fridge for easy cooking.)
1 large onion, chopped
1 20-ounce bag frozen cauliflower (We stock up on frozen veggies when they’re on sale and then have them in the freezer just for days like this.)
4 cups water
2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 cup milk

Melt butter over low heat. Add onion and garlic and cook until soft, but not browned, about 15 minutes. Add 2 cups water and frozen cauliflower. Cover and increase heat to medium. Cook until cauliflower is soft, about 15 minutes. Add remaining 2 cups of water, salt, thyme, and pepper. Cover and cook for 10 more minutes. Let cool slightly and then blend until smooth with a hand blender. Stir in milk.

The Diet Joke Health Tip #8

Sunday, January 8th, 2012

Back to work already? Geez, the weekend just got here. Oh well. Let’s start it smart with Health Tip #9. Here it is:

Pack a lunch.

It’s not just better for our waistlines. It’s better for our pocketbooks too.

You don’t need to get fancy. You don’t even need a fridge at work. The basic peanut butter and jelly sandwich with an apple will last for days. Want to make some friends? Pack an egg salad sandwich. We at The Diet Joke love egg salad sandwiches. And tuna, too! Peanut butter and banana? Delish. Our favorite? Not so much now, but when we were a kid? Bologna and ketchup! Oh man, those were the days.

And yes, bologna and ketchup isn’t the healthiest thing on the planet, but put it on some serious whole-grain whole-wheat bread and it’s better than fast food. Fill up your water bottle instead of hitting the soda machine, and man, are you saving money now, not to mention calories.

The trick to packing lunches? Try to do it the night before. Just about anything we plan to do in the morning before we go to work is likely to fall by the wayside.

The Diet Joke Health Tip #7

Saturday, January 7th, 2012

The Diet Joke Health Tip #7:

Make sure you get your Vitamin F.

F stands for friends. We can think of something else F stands for and you need that, too. But that’s for another day.

We know the whole “get your Vitamin F” thing is making the rounds lately, courtesy of Dr. Oz, who says having friends is good for our health. And we thank our friend, Kathy, for sending it to us. We were sort of in a bind tonight, what with a show to get to and time running out to get up our post. We could have gotten all stressed-out, but no need. See how having friends helps.

So what makes a good friend? According to Mark Twain, “The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right.”

 

 

The Diet Joke Health Tip #6

Friday, January 6th, 2012

We know. It’s Friday night–the first Friday night happy hour of the new year. Chances are the week back at work was tough and you’re ready to let loose. Not to pooh-pooh your party, but here we go.

The Diet Joke Health Tip #6:

Watch the alcohol.

We’re not saying you have to skip it altogether. According to some studies, one to two drinks a day may actually be good for the brain and reduce the risk of dementia, but don’t go overboard. Nothing impairs good judgment like too much alcohol, and yes, we’re speaking from experience.

If “Stop Doing Stupid Things” is on your list of resolutions for the new year (it’s on our list every year), you will help yourself a lot by only drinking in moderation.

As the great Knute Rockne once said, “Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third.”

Or to put it another way:

“Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.”– Phyllis Diller

The Diet Joke Health Tip #5

Thursday, January 5th, 2012

Health Tip #5:

Have an orange!

High in Vitamin C and filled with fiber, these juicy babies aren’t just good for you, they’ll satisfy your sweet tooth too. Even kids like them! Delicious, seedless Navel oranges are in peak season from January to March so they’re easy to find and often on sale.

Here’s some corny orange humor:

Why did the orange go out with the prune?

Because he couldn’t find a date.

Why did the orange stop running?

He ran out of juice.

What is a navy officer’s favourite fruit?

Naval oranges.

Have a naturally sweet day!

The Diet Joke Health Tip #4

Wednesday, January 4th, 2012

Health tip #4:

Never give up on the day!

One of the problems with trying to take better care of ourselves is that we think in terms of days. We go to bed, motivated to the make the most of the next day, then we wake up and eat a donut. Well, we think, I guess this day’s shot. We’ll try again tomorrow. Next thing you know, we’re having a Monte Cristo sandwich with fries for lunch. When the dinner invitation for deep dish pizza comes up, we’re like, what the hell?

I’ll tell you what the hell! You’re gonna have a heart attack if you keep that up.

The point is, the day is never shot. So maybe you didn’t eat the best breakfast. Try a little harder to eat well at lunch. Maybe you ate too many lunch room holiday leftovers this afternoon. Eat a little less for the rest of the day. Too much Pasta Carbonara at dinner. Skip dessert and take a walk.

Not only will you feel good that you didn’t throw the whole day away, you will get into the habit of make adjustments throughout the day. The truth is, some mornings you may want a donut. You can have one occasionally, as long as you don’t take it to mean you might as well eat the whole box.

 

The Diet Joke Health Tip #3

Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012

We saw Janet Jackson in a Nutritsystem commercial three times today while watching What Not to Wear. We intended to come home and get out the door fast for our regular walk, but work was a little overwhelming after the holiday break and we opted for TV and a nap instead. Guess who’s sorry now? Still, it inspired our next health tip.

Health Tip #3:

Stop following the advice of celebrities.

I’m not a celebrity, so you can follow mine. Also, I’m not being paid anything for my advice, which is what most advice is worth.  According to one website, “Weight-loss companies often pay seven figures to have major names promote their products.” The author didn’t back it up with any specifics, so neither will we. We just want to point out that you will pay hundreds of dollars a month to be on the same program these celebrities are on for free, plus paid plenty extra to endorse.

I’m pretty sure if someone paid you a million dollars to lose weight, you could do it. If someone had paid me to come home and take a walk, I would have done it, too.

The Diet Joke Health Tip #2

Monday, January 2nd, 2012

Man, this is harder than I thought, and I’m only on day 2. Not that coming up with great tips is so difficult, but having to sit at the computer and type them in, especially when another one of my resolutions is to not sit at the computer so much. Let’s get this over with.

Here it is! Health Tip #2:

Take a 30-minute walk today.

You won’t just get your blood circulating, you’ll actually lose weight. According to the UC Berkeley Wellness Letter, a 200-pound person who starts walking a mile and a half a day and sticks to the same amount of daily calories will lose an average of 14 pounds a year.

What are we waiting for?

As Hippocraties once said, “Walking is a man’s best medicine.” And one of our most affordable, too.