Diet Jokes

The Diet Joke Likes Jokes

Diet Plan

“The best way to lose weight is to eat on the run. Literally. Eat only when running. Half the food won’t even go into your mouth.”–Lisa Pedace


Diet Food

“The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.”–Julia Child


Mid-Term Elections

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” — George Bernard Shaw


American Health Care


Light Eater

My wife is a light eater. As soon as it’s light, she starts to eat.–Henry Youngman



The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you’re off it. –Jackie Gleason


The Pasta Diet

I’m starting a new program, called the Pasta Diet! The Italians have been using it for centuries. Here are the few simple steps:

1) You walka pasta da bakery.
2) You walka pasta da candy store.
3) You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.
4) You walka pasta da table and fridge.

From KikiPeepers (


Miss Piggy Advice

Never eat more than you can lift.–Miss Piggy


Orson Welles Advice

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.–Orson Welles


Lisa Pedace Advice

I just started the Dr. Dolittle Diet. That’s where you don’t eat food. You just talk to it.–Lisa Pedace


Lisa Pedace ‘s Next Book

My next self-help book deals with relationships. It’s called “I’m Okay. You’re From Mars.”–Lisa Pedace


Breakfast Monkey



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